Accepting the “New Normal” … When You’d Rather Not

Accepting what feels unacceptable

Simply saying “just accept how things are” is one thing, but genuinely learning to be OK with what you resist with all your heart is easier said than done. Many of us are looking at the post-Covid world with a heady mix of disappointment, anger, sadness, and deep frustration – what’s to like?

Some can’t travel, visit elderly family, or attend funerals. Some are trapped in jobs they can’t leave, others are stuck in the limbo of unemployment. Life seems to have shrunk down to the size of a pixelated screen, and the initial Covid hysteria seems to have settled in as a vague sense of numbness or despair. No holidays. No celebrations. The future itself seems on pause, or lost entirely. And yet, wishing it were otherwise doesn’t make the slightest difference, and avoidance and anger only get tiring after a while!

How is it possible to embrace a reality you feel like you never agreed to? First, give yourself permission to be shocked and upset. When your world morphs into something you never expected, it’s normal to feel blindsided and even outraged. You expected life to be one way, and yet it’s another, very different way. This realization alone can leave people feeling powerless and vulnerable.

Acceptance is not passive

Accepting a new reality may feel like the last thing you want to do. But this resistance is itself a normal part of the process of mourning loss. Our first task is not so much to accept our new reality, but to accept how we feel, and where we find ourselves in this new reality.

Accepting doesn’t mean that we agree with what is happening. We don’t have to force ourselves to like what we cannot like. Acceptance simply means acknowledging reality as reality. It can be difficult to be accepting because it feels too disempowering, or like failure. We might worry that acceptance means giving up trying to improve or change things. In truth, we can completely accept the current reality without abandoning efforts to change it. This takes courage and wisdom. Can we hold hope for the future without denying the present?

• Focus on slowing down and relaxing. Simply be with how you are, however that is. What happens when you are accepting even of your resistance to accepting?
• It’s OK not to have an answer or not yet know how to move forward – that will come with time.
• Process difficult feelings by talking to others, journaling, meditating, spending time in nature, keeping active or even making art. Find small ways to join life again, as it is.
• Keep a close eye on self-care and be patient with yourself.

Accepting new and unwanted realities is one life’s hardest challenges, but in a way, it is one of the most inevitable. If we can be present with our process with a little self-compassion and grace, we may find ourselves becoming genuinely curious about what fresh beginnings the new reality holds for us.

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